I know one small cat named Patches. She smells wonderful, not like any dog I know. I want to put my front paws around her and taste her, but she doesn’t like it. She curls up on the window sill of my friend, Toni, and watches and waits. I am not afraid of her, but she is quite small and makes funny noises from the back of her throat when I get too close.
Although we don’t look alike, we both have whiskers. Whiskers help us feel around the world. They vibrate like jazzy music. It hurts when you comb my beard and catch my whiskers between the teeth of the comb. You hurt my feelings. It turns out Patches has feelings too. Her whiskers quiver when she sees me.
You told me that some cats eat out of special food bowls because their whiskers get in the way so they become so nervous they won’t eat. They even get something called whisker fatigue which is stressful. I, personally, do not get nervous around food. In fact, nothing gets in the way of my food. I eat so fast you have to put my food in a bowl with alleys that makes me work harder to get my food, and slows me down. You even put my food bowl on a skateboard because you think I’ll like skateboards better. I eat my food right off it, even when it’s moving, but I still hate skateboards.
Patches has a lot of nerve and so do I.
ADVICE FROM OLIVER: BE CAREFUL OF MY WHISKERS. THEY ARE MY FEELINGS