I am irregular. That is, I write to my fanbase every once in a while, when I must. I’ve noticed, as a result, that a lot of my readers don’t ask about me much anymore. That makes me feel sorta sad, but we are all creatures of habit. If people or animals stop showing up for us, we lose interest. I get it. However, I’m here to remind you that you might learn a few things from me. So If you are at all interested in anything I have to say, please tell your friends to become a follower. I, in turn, will want to write with more regularity and all of your readers will be rewarded with my wisdom. There’s a lot I haven’t told you yet. Let me know how important I am to your vault of knowledge.

When you think about it, it must be very difficult to be a human. Humans think they are a superior species but the fact is, they don’t understand a lot of things about the world, like, for example, dog talk. I can teach it to you if you take the time to listen.
 
You’re having a person over who’s more important than me? No one is more important than me. I’m running in circles in the living room to show you just how cute I am and you’re not even watching.  You’re going to the front door to let in these humans who aren’t even close to being as adorable as I am.  Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Look at me. Now I’m shaking the white horse in my teeth. Browl, growl! I am ferocious. I can bite the ear off the horse and chew it and shake the horse and you aren’t paying any attention.  My skills are phenom. If I hurl the horse up in the air and leap around, you come over and take the horse away, so I have to do it quietly, surreptitiously. (Yes, I know the word.) I listen to you and use all the words you use, only you have to watch me closely to know what I mean. I shake Whitey the white horse until one ear is completely gone. That means you need to pet me immediately and speak soft words to me and pet me gently on my head as you remove the horse from my amazing teeth.
 

Okay, I hear you telling me to lie down, so I’ll do it, but just for awhile. Got it? Just for awhile. I am twelve now so I make a loud bony clunky sound when I lie down, not like the puddle of fluffy sound that Biscuit makes. My other new noise is the toenail/paw slide I make on the wood floor when you change course and I have to make a quick stop in case you turn around. I am still fast as lightning.
 
Today I noticed that I sleep longer. That is a good thing. Why, you may ask?  Because sleep is good for our health. I intend to remain healthy for a very long time. How do I know I have been sleeping longer? Because I don’t have to wake anyone up. Everyone else is already up. You’re usually first and you go to the front window and stare into the darkness. A bicycle light or a runner will speed past. The night turns to sunrise and then Biscuit and Dad get up. They are first in my day’s walks.

I admit that at age twelve, I am having trouble with something though and you have to help me. When I jump up into the car you need to be my spotter. I have fallen on my back a couple of times because my back legs aren’t as quick as they used to be. I believe they can keep up with my front legs but they can’t. When I show off and pretend I’m two again, it can have painful results.

Advice from Oliver: With age comes wisdom. Also, to be trite, pride goeth before the fall. I’m working on that.