Sneakin’ around

On the lake yesterday, you made the mistake of bringing us both out on the lake with a certain orange frisbee that is just our size and type. Biscuit wears it around his neck when I’m not with you to supervise.

Woof. It’s hard to explain how I feel when Biscuit thinks he can take away the frisbee or the ball or the newspaper or the mail. I am in charge here and it has been that way ever since I was a furry little ball. When Biscuit treads on my territory, I am patient for awhile and then I tell him in no uncertain terms that I’m boss. That’s it. I growl and snap and bark and tear around until he quits which is usually very soon after I have begun my display of righteous woofness.

This photograph depicts me at my sneakiest early this morning when it was still dark outside. I am demonstrating my wit and skill in my game called HOLDING A SOCK . You rarely catch me at the beginning when I start with my opening move. I snatch a sock that one of you have carelessly dropped around the house. My favorite sock is the big one I am using for demonstration purposes.. It’s big and white and feels really good between my beautiful teeth. It’s all in the prance and run. Sometimes I slide on the wood floors when you chase me, but I come from agility stock, so I’m quick at the Scrape and Scramble Recovery. I’ve taught you a lot about giving in. This sock is worth about two treats in ransom. You’re a lot better at the exchange of sock for treats than you used to be. Next, are pictures are of Biscuit and me: 1)B. showing off on the lake this morning without me and 2) me watching from the window because you made me wait. Together we can easily over power you with our extreme cuteness, so you decided you would take us out one at a time from now on. I think it’s because I always win and you try to even out the win/lose results. it won’t work. Biscuit’s photos are taken before the sun came up. Ha! They didn’t turn out nearly as well as the ones of me.

Biscuit, showing off. This is the trick that really makes him smile. He’s saying, “Notice, please, the ring cleverly draped around my neck.

Me, Oliver, looking menacing.

Advice from Oliver: Sometimes Surrender is the name of the game.

Time

Woof. woof. What is time? You are here or you are not in sight. We are sheepdogs and we have to keep track of everything that moves, especially you.

We both sleep a lot in between keeping track of you. You wear us out.

In the morning, when you are in sight, Biscuit and I chase each other around the house and bark and run. Sometimes, when you’re not looking, I steal your little pink stripey things from the laundry room and trot around in front of you until you chase me and I drop them at your feet. When you say in a loud voice, “Hand them to me!” I have to pick them up again and wait until you take them from my mouth. When you get tired of this game, and we have barked a lot, you let Biscuit and me out on the deck. Biscuit wants to stay outside longer than I do. After a few minutes outside, I give my two-bark alert to tell you I want to come in. You open the door and I prance in. I am a beautiful prancer. Quick, funny and smart. Biscuit stays outside. Because I need you and want to be with you, I follow you all over the house. Everywhere. No exceptions.

When you are leaving and will not be in sight, you let me know you are coming back by playing beautiful music on the black machine, where Biscuit and I rest and wait for you to come back to us. We usually go to sleep by the door. I snore and Biscuit goes to sleep. When you come back through your magic door where you keep your car, you find our leashes and take us for another yummy, smelly walk. Sometimes you go by the dead-rodent-scattered eagles’ next, which makes our noses twitch. Sometimes we go by a big squirrels’ nest where Biscuit looks up until he either sees the squirrels and tries to jump up the tree or he doesn’t see the squirrels because they are sleeping in their leafy nest.

We know the time when:

a. we wake up and need to go for a walk (6:30 a.m.)

b. it’s time for our kibble and salmon oil (after our first walk (7:30 a.m.)

c. it’s time for our second walk (10 a.m. )

d. we are hungry again (4:30 pm)

e. we are sleepy and want one last breath of fresh air (8:30 pm)

f. we jump on your bed for awhile until you come to bed (9 pm)

c. it’s time to get up again (7 am)

Every time is our time!

Advice from Oliver: Every time can be your time too.

Being Twelve and Still Wise

I am irregular. That is, I write to my fanbase every once in a while, when I must. I’ve noticed, as a result, that a lot of my readers don’t ask about me much anymore. That makes me feel sorta sad, but we are all creatures of habit. If people or animals stop showing up for us, we lose interest. I get it. However, I’m here to remind you that you might learn a few things from me. So If you are at all interested in anything I have to say, please tell your friends to become a follower. I, in turn, will want to write with more regularity and all of your readers will be rewarded with my wisdom. There’s a lot I haven’t told you yet. Let me know how important I am to your vault of knowledge.

When you think about it, it must be very difficult to be a human. Humans think they are a superior species but the fact is, they don’t understand a lot of things about the world, like, for example, dog talk. I can teach it to you if you take the time to listen.

You’re having a person over who’s more important than me? No one is more important than me. I’m running in circles in the living room to show you just how cute I am and you’re not even watching. You’re going to the front door to let in these humans who aren’t even close to being as adorable as I am. Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. Look at me. Now I’m shaking the white horse in my teeth. Browl, growl! I am ferocious. I can bite the ear off the horse and chew it and shake the horse and you aren’t paying any attention. My skills are phenom. If I hurl the horse up in the air and leap around, you come over and take the horse away, so I have to do it quietly, surreptitiously. (Yes, I know the word.) I listen to you and use all the words you use, only you have to watch me closely to know what I mean. I shake Whitey the white horse until one ear is completely gone. That means you need to pet me immediately and speak soft words to me and pet me gently on my head as you remove the horse from my amazing teeth.

Okay, I hear you telling me to lie down, so I’ll do it, but just for awhile. Got it? Just for awhile. I am twelve now so I make a loud bony clunky sound when I lie down, not like the puddle of fluffy sound that Biscuit makes. My other new noise is the toenail/paw slide I make on the wood floor when you change course and I have to make a quick stop in case you turn around. I am still fast as lightning.

Today I noticed that I sleep longer. That is a good thing. Why, you may ask? Because sleep is good for our health. I intend to remain healthy for a very long time. How do I know I have been sleeping longer? Because I don’t have to wake anyone up. Everyone else is already up. You’re usually first and you go to the front window and stare into the darkness. A bicycle light or a runner will speed past. The night turns to sunrise and then Biscuit and Dad get up. They are first in my day’s walks.

I admit that at age twelve, I am having trouble with something though and you have to help me. When I jump up into the car you need to be my spotter. I have fallen on my back a couple of times because my back legs aren’t as quick as they used to be. I believe they can keep up with my front legs but they can’t. When I show off and pretend I’m two again, it can have painful results.

Advice from Oliver: With age comes wisdom. Also, to be trite, pride goeth before the fall. I’m working on that.

It’s August Already!

Me, Oliver, and and two anonymous fans at the Minneapolis Airport

Hello, dear fans and loved ones,

I must be getting (sshhh!) along in years. Actually it is almost my twelfth birthday. I am in terrific shape for a boy my age. Still handsome. Still smart. I admit I sleep more and give in more to what is expected of me, but I still steal socks and shoes. I prance in front of you to make sure I am garnering all the attention and adoration I so richly deserve. (I know it’s been awhile, but just to remind you, I do have a large vocabulary and you may have to use a dictionary…this is an interactive blog.)

Let me tell you how wise I am. As Biscuit’s elder I let him eat from my food bowl and eat from my drinking bowl after I am sated. I also let him follow me at a couple of my therapy animal jaunts. He loves it but he gets very excited when people pet him. He licks some chosen people and sometimes gives a little bark of joy. Neither one of those things is my style. I am dignified. He is not. I forgot to say that Biscuit is now a fully licensed therapy animal through Pet Partners, USA. I try to set an example for him, and I admit he is an excellent student. We went together to Methodist Hospital and most everyone we met loved us.

Above you see us in one of our favorite spots: The Porch at Old Pines. I honestly don’t know of anyplace I would rather be. I can watch you swimming from here, but I wish you would let us swim with you. It tangles our coat terribly and you have to spend a very long time fixing our fur, but we are truly worth it, don’t you think?

I love you and I love Biscuit and I love everyone else too. Well, everyone except people who smoke and smell like sweat and other unpleasant things. Thank you for being loyal readers. I like to be petted and talked to and admired. I may seem reserved, but I really wish everyone would play with me…all the time.

Advice from Oliver: Even the most aloof-seeming creatures are much in need of love.

PROCLAMATION

A paper with text on it

Description automatically generated

Today you and I got my special scarf and special leash on and we got in the car and drove to a great big parking lot and went up in an elevator to the 24^th floor and I lay down and waited a very long time before we could see anyone. A lot of people were sitting down on folding chairs facing other people sitting behind a long curvy desk with their names in front of them and they sat very stiffly on bigger chairs. The desk said Hennepin County Government Center. There were cameras around and a lot of people took my picture.

After a very long snooze, we heard our names and we walked in to greet everyone in their dressed up clothes smelling like they needed me to make them smile and stand up over their long desk with my paws waiting for them to give me a treat. They didn’t. You told me I was a very good boy for being so patient and that no one should have to wait as long as we did to come in to receive a piece of paper and take our picture and tell us what we already knew, which is that we make people smile and feel happy. My favorite person was the one who was typing. Her pockets smelled delicious. I knew she had a dog. I smelled her pockets.

It was kindof sad. Everyone looked stiff and unhappy until we came in and I wagged my tail to let them know I was friendly. We should have come in before they started their very long sitdown. They were called Hennepin County Commissioners and they proclaimed yesterday May First Animal Therapy Animal Day.

Wow.

We are so cool.

Then I sniffed our way back to the elevator and the parking lot and our car and we drove home to see Biscuit. I needed another nap. I’m glad we don’t have to do that again soon.

Advice from Oliver: When you see a lot of people sitting down for a long time on folding chairs, get ready for a nap.